MHI: PHYSICIAN HEAL THYSELF by Theresa Derwin
Trigger Warning: This piece addresses mental health
The HWA is pleased to launch its Mental Health Initiative, a coordinated roll-out of events, resources, and activities intended to promote positive mental health, foster the concept of hope, and challenge the stigma of mental illness in the horror genre. The initiative, run by the organization’s Wellness Committee, launches in June, and includes the following blog posts from Of Horror and Hope, a downloadable anthology of poems, flash fiction, and personal reflections on mental health by HWA members.
PHYSICIAN HEAL THYSELF
Theresa Derwin
When I first became ill, I attended counselling.
At the time, counselling wasn’t much help apart from one piece of advice; ‘The pen is truly mightier than the sword.’
So I wrote it all down; how I felt each day, what brought me down, what made me feel better, immersing myself in horror books and films. My soul, my heart, and my mind were scattered on pages for all to see and know me.
I discovered how working my way through pain could help me. It wouldn’t cure my Fibromyalgia, but it would help me to cope when the nights were at their darkest.
A couple of years ago I came across an article you may all know.
Final Girl: A Life in Horror, Christina Sng, 23 Oct 2020. Sng talked about how cathartic writing was for her, and how writing horror in particular, helped her deal with troubled emotions.
Through writing fanfic, my journal, blogs and stories, I’ve found a little of the peace, stolen from me over the years.
Slowly, day by day, I’m building a quality of life with little things; a coffee with my sister, reading books, writing reviews to share with my friends. I’m writing everything that springs to mind.
I ‘Marie Kondo’d’ my psyche.
I’m more than my illness. I’m more than my walking stick, my stumbling legs, my tired eyes, or my inability to carry a heavy bag. I’m more than my depression, more than the pain that hits me worse at night, and more than the fat person who put weight on because I didn’t care about myself. I care who I am now.
I’m the daughter, the sister, the aunt, and the friend. The girl, and the woman, you knew before.
I have found my new voice.
