MHI: PERSPECTIVE by TJ Kang

Trigger Warning: This piece addresses mental health

The HWA is pleased to launch its Mental Health Initiative, a coordinated roll-out of events, resources, and activities intended to promote positive mental health, foster the concept of hope, and challenge the stigma of mental illness in the horror genre. The initiative, run by the organization’s Wellness Committee, launches in June, and includes the following blog posts from Of Horror and Hope, a downloadable anthology of poems, flash fiction, and personal reflections on mental health by HWA members.

PERSPECTIVE
TJ Kang

The old woman on the porch across the street is getting wet. I can see her through my window. I wonder why she doesn’t go inside.

If I had a choice, I would stay in my house where I’m safe and dry and alone. I wouldn’t go out and walk to the train station in the rain and sit on a train with people all around, looking at me like they know there’s something not quite right. Or not looking at me, which is worse because maybe they already judged me and turned away. Or maybe they don’t see me at all.

Mom says there’s always a choice. Easy for her to say. She fits. She means well, but I don’t think she knows what it’s like to be the weird kid. I try to imagine her being afraid to get a job or start a college class, and I fail. I definitely can’t picture her afraid to go outside.

The old woman leans into the falling rain. She holds out her hands to catch the raindrops. I think she’s smiling. I wonder if something’s wrong with her.

The alarm sounds on my phone. It’s time to go. Now or never.

I zip my jacket slowly. I pull my hat down over my ears and throw my bag on my shoulder. Before I can change my mind, I open the door and go out. Rain hits my face instantly. I blink it away.

Across the street, the old woman calls, “Young man!” I don’t correct her. I walk over, and she pats the wet seat next to her. I sit, and the wetness soaks through my jeans. She points up at the sky. “Look,” she says. I look. There’s a rainbow. It’s beautiful.

I smile at her.