Halloween Haunts: Tricks Before Treats: Our Halloween Tradition
By Robert E. Stahl
Every October I start dreaming of my favorite annual tradition—scaring the heck out of trick-or-treaters on Halloween night. It’s my favorite thing in the world. Well, except for peanut butter. My husband and I have been doing it for years.
We’ve perfected the set up by now. A few weeks before Halloween, we get the yard looking all spooky. Ghosts flapping everywhere. Cobwebs in the bushes. Inflatable spooks lurking near the sidewalk. Then on Halloween night, we go hard. Spooky music. Strobe lights. Fog machines. The works.
Here’s the routine. My husband works the door. He’s a nice guy, warm smile, regular clothes. Nothing scary here, kids. Me, I’m the evil one. I dress up like a werewolf/zombie/vampire and wait behind him in in the hallway. When the doorbell rings, the door opens and it’s Jim with a big bowl of candy. He tells them how cute they are while dropping goodies into their bags. Then he casually asks, “Hey, you seen that monster yet?” “What monster?” they’ll ask right while I jump out from behind him with a big screech.
The mix of reactions! Some kids squeal and burst into laughter. Some smirk and shrug you off. The best kids jump a few feet into the air and take off running pell mell down the sidewalk. Some of them are so scared they drop things in our yard: candy, pieces of costume, shoes.
No, it’s not a mean thing to do. Jim and I like to think of it as trick-and-treat. We make sure to hand out really good candy, by the way. If the kids gotta work for their goodies, the goodies betta be worth it. The parents seem to enjoy it too. We’ve had kids run back to fetch their parents so they can get in on the fun. Even better, a few years ago we realized we could capture the reactions via our doorbell camera. The next day, I release a ‘greatest hits’ video of the best scares on my social feeds. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
After years of our spooky tradition, we’ve moved to a brand new neighborhood plumb on the other side of town. I wonder what will happen when the kids go knocking on our old house door. Some of them will be very sad, we figure. It’s kind of end of an era, so to speak.
As for me and Jim, we’re in new house in a new part of town with a whole new group of children to scare. They’ve got no idea what’s in store from their new neighbors when the sun goes down on Halloween night. Something really spooky, you can just bet.
By the way, I’ve written a few stories that take place on Halloween in my debut short story collection, Show Me Where It Hurts. If you want to learn more about my writing, visit my website Robertestahl.com.
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Link to book on Amazon is here
Here’s a description of the new book Show Me Where It Hurts:
With his debut collection, Show Me Where It Hurts, Robert E. Stahl lures us into his dark world with examinations of loss, trauma, and transformation. In the thirty works of prose and poetry presented here, broken characters confront their inner darkness when unexpected events further upset their worlds-often with horrifying results.
Here’s a nice blurb about the new book (SMWIH) I got from Stephen Graham Jones:
“These stories crackle with horror energy. They hiss when you look directly at them. And you might want to wash your hands after, too.”– Stephen Graham Jones, author of The Buffalo Hunter Hunter
Unbeknownst to Robert Stahl, his body is an empty shell, telepathically controlled by a brain in a jar, which was buried long ago under the floorboard of his home in Dallas. Consequently, his days are filled with the urge to write: stories, letters, articles, whatever. At night he listens to music and when he drifts off to sleep, the brain laughs, a humorless, pitiful sound, as it jiggles alone in the dusty darkness.
Photo: Ready to pounce on Halloween night