Interpreted By Naching T. Kassa
and Completely Mangled by Kathryn Ptacek
Yup, Naching and I traded places. Well, columns, that is. She’s writing the editorial, and I’m conjuring up Watchung’s column. It’s all part of the annual April issue silliness of switching columns. April Fools! Get it? Well, perhaps not. Watchung should be doing his own column, but he is off traipsing the country looking for a few honest cucurbits. Plus, he is still hawking his movie, PUMPKINS FROM PLANET P 2, at various divey and divers theatres (not to be confused with drive-in theatres), and I think he’s having a tad too much fun with all that flogging.
Anyway, everyone take a deep, deep breath … here goes! And just remember: Next month Naching and Watchung will be restored to their rightful places here, and we will all sigh deeply with relief! And they can put in all the great information that I didn’t find! And I solemnly promise not to fill this column with boatloads of ellipses. It was hard … very hard … very very hard ….
ANNABELLE COMES HOME on June 28. And here I haven’t even vacuumed yet! I had better get going, because I haven’t seen the first two films in the series. This is the third movie starring Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson as supernatural investigators, who need to do a bit of housekeeping in their own home, especially when it comes to dolls. Watch the trailer here: https://ew.com/movies/2019/03/15/annabelle-3-title-annabelle-comes-home/.
Also, in the spooky-doll dept., Hollywood has remade CHILD’S PLAY, the first movie with Chuckie the whacked-out killer doll. Here’s the trailer: https://ew.com/trailers/2019/02/08/childs-play-trailer-remake-chucky/. Oh, goodie … yet another remake of a movie only a few decades old. No need to check out all the new books and stories that have been published since 1988 when the first movie in this series came out. Nope. CHILD’S PLAY the new will be helmed by Lars Klevberg and stars a lot of actors whose names I (sadly) don’t recognize except for Tim Matheson.
Here’s another movie trailer, this one for I TRAPPED THE DEVIL, and I sure hope no spooky/killer dolls are involved: https://ew.com/movies/2019/02/05/i-trapped-the-devil-chris-sullivan/. The movie comes out in April and is directed by Josh Lobo and stars Chris Sullivan (THIS IS US). I believe a basement figures largely in this one, and we all know how spooky those places are. Well, mine is! Did I ever tell you about the dried-out centipede husks dangling from spiderwebs down there? No, I guess not.
Also, coming in April: PET SEMATARY. Again. Yes. The movie, based on Stephen King‘s novel, is a remake directed by Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer, scripted by Jeff Buhler, with Jason Clarke and John Lithgow.
Here’s something that was shown at the recent SXSW 2019: EXTRA ORDINARY, the debut by Irish directors Mike Ahern and Enda Loughman. Follow the link to the trailer to this supernatural comedy: https://www.indiewire.com/2019/03/sxsw-best-films-tv-2019-booksmart-beach-bum-1202051505/.
THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA is another film that debuted at SXSW 2019. La Llorona is also known as the Weeping Woman (the ghost of a woman who drowned her children), and it’s a tale we often heard when I lived in New Mexico. The movie opens in Mexico of the late 1600s, then springs forward in time to Los Angeles in 1973. One site I checked questioned why the movie was set then. Well, perhaps because the 1970s were a tad more interesting than some of the more recent years? Or perhaps it was done because the director and writer wanted something different, something that stood out from the other cookie-cutter movies (suburbia, suburbia, suburbia!). This is another directorial debut, this time for Michael Chaves, and stars Linda Cardellini and Patricia Velasquez. And, apparently, the movie is part of THE CONJURING universe. Who knew? I saw this on two different sites, so it MUST be official, right?
And as Naching and Watchung always post at the end of each column: First, no entertainment, not even the video games, could exist without writers. And, second, if there’s horror news out there, Watchung is watching!
It’s true. Future film folks … please think beyond the remakes. Take some of the new stuff; look at the books and stories and plays and whatnots coming out now or in the last year or the last decade or two. And please … let’s give sequels a pass for a while.
Special thanks to the following Web sites (and I would also like to thank the Academy …): indiewire.com, screenrant.com/, ew.com, dailydead.com/, bloody-disgusting.com/, variety.com, www.cinemablend.com/.