Hello, everyone. This is Naching T. Kassa, interpreter for Assistant Editor Watchung the Demonic Pumpkin. It is with a heavy heart that I convey the following piece of news.
Editor Kathy Ptacek has been kidnapped by her computer. As soon as she typed the words “newsletter” in, the computer took her hostage. It has tied her to the chair using several extension cords and secreted her in the office.
Before the fiendish machine taped her mouth shut and tied her hands, Kathy managed to e-mail me. Her message consisted of the following: “…”
My super-sensitive interpretive skills have translated this into the following message: “HELP!!!!”
Fear not, HWA Faithful, help is on the way. Kathy’s kitties have enlisted the aid of the Great Cat Warrior, Sprout, and he is sharpening his claws even as we speak. He can cut Kathy’s bonds in no time. In fact, I should receive a message from him at any moment … Ah, yes! Here it is! Sprout’s message is … APRIL FOOLS!
Yes, HWA Faithful! It’s that time of the year! Topsy-turvy time here at the newsletter! Some of your favorite columnists have switched places (including yours truly and the ever-diligent Kathy Ptacek) and you’ll see their columns from an entirely new perspective. Who switched with whom? Well, you’ll just have to read the newsletter and find out!
And while you’re cleaning off your funny bone for this issue, be sure to think about sending Kathy some art and photos for the “Sinister Slideshow” just above the editorial. She likes nature, especially when it’s atmospheric, so get out to your nearest cemetery and snap some.
Also, she’d LOVE (really!) to see what you as a writer (or artist or editor or whatever) do for marketing and promotion of your work. She wants to run these useful bits in upcoming issues; if she gets enough, she could have something in every issue. Now, wouldn’t that be swell? The marketing tips and techniques (Blog crawls? Thrilling tweets? Press releases? Radio interviews? Chile cook-offs? Helpful podcasts? Slideshow presentations? Book signings? Spooky séances?) should be no longer than a page or two. Thanks.
And don’t forget: she’s still interested in knowing where you work; it’s something that fascinates her. Let her know where you work and include a photo or two and a line or two or three about the space. She’ll be running these in a few months. She might have lost some in the Great E-mail Program Implosion a few months back (instigated by the evil computer.) So, let her know if you don’t see your workspace.
Query Kathy first at firstname.lastname@example.org, or you can send her a private message on Facebook. Do NOT query her in a post on her Facebook page or HWA’s page; she will delete it and send Great Warrior Sprout after you. He will use you as a scratching post and, believe me, you don’t want to be a scratching post.
And don’t forget to send photos of your book signings and readings and seminars and dictionary-tossing contests and other writerly events.
The deadline for each issue is ALWAYS the 15th of each month, so send your news/photos/whatever early to the proper person (Your local chapter! The calendar! Your fiendish item! Recent releases! There are so many options!)—that is, BEFORE the 15th and not on that date or shortly after because that’s when the columnists send Kathy their stuff; they need YOUR stuff before the deadline! REMEMBER: This is all FREE promotion for you and your work! Month after month of free promotion with no strings attached! FREE! FREE! FREE! Take advantage of that!
Don’t forget that you can purchase a display ad or two or three. The prices are very reasonable. Ad sizes are listed in the advertising link on the front page of the newsletter. Let other HWA members see what you’re doing!
As always, Kathy would like to thank her intrepid proofreaders: Allie Yohn, Dean Wild, Brick Marlin, Lori Gaudet, Amanda Niehaus-Hard, Chad McClendon, Joseph VanBuren, Sheri White, Marty Young, Walter Jarvis, Joel Jacobs, Naching Kassa, Anthony Ambrogio, Marge Simon, Morven Westfield, and Greg Faherty. And thanks to mistress of the dark Donna K. Fitch for all her extremely hard work getting the newsletter put up at the Web!
The deadline for the MAY issue is Monday, April 15.